STUPID NUMBER ONE
Early one morning, well before daylight, Glenn and I left the funeral home to meet with a family who lived about two ho
urs away. We arrived early, found out exactly where the family lived and then went to McDonalds for breakfast. As I was walking towards the restaurant, I looked down, only to discover I was wearing different shoes, one black and one blue. Even worse, the heels were different heights giving me a noticeable limp that I was unaware of as long as I was sitting in the van. After the fact, I recalled that one shoe felt significantly tighter, but I hadn’t bothered to investigate. ALWAYS INVESTIGATE. It could have been worse. At least I didn’t have toilet paper trailing behind me.
STUPID NUMER TWO
I was working at a funeral visitation one afternoon. I noticed that people would speak to me and then look at me with a puzzling stare. I looked at my clothes to ensure my buttons were fastened correctly, my zipper was up and no tags were showing. Everything seemed to be in order. When the visitation was over and we were having our staff coffee break, one of them turned to me and asked, “Why are you wearing Glenn’s nametag today?” Instantly I understood the mysterious expressions and no, Glenn was not wearing my name tag. Why did they wait until the afternoon was over to tell me? I was reminded of the words of Judge Judy, “Do I have the word STUPID on my forehead?”
STUPID NUMBER THREE
One Sunday evening in December, our church had been invited to put on a Christmas program at a local nursing home. As luck would have it, during the service the first real snow of the winter had fallen, and things looked quite different outside when it was time to leave. Once we got home, Glenn dropped me off at our back door and then went to park the van in the garage. Taking only a few steps up the metal grate ramp, I immediately slid back down. The grate was completely covered with ice. I tried again and again unsuccessfully. That’s when I got a “bright idea” (or so I thought!) You have probably tried to drive up a slippery driveway without success. My brainwave went like this:
If a car can’t make it up a hill when it’s icy, you back up and get a run at it. Maybe I could do the same. So, I walked back quite a distance and started running. It worked while I was on level ground, but as soon as l hit that metal ramp I went down with a THUD! One elbow, one knee and the back of my head didn’t fare so well. I sure didn’t look like a speedy Mustang – more like a rusty old 1957 Rambler. But, I’ll know better next time..…I hope.