Do you remember an old Zellers’ Christmas commercial in which the lady of the house had completed all her preparations for a traditional dinner and was ready to welcome her guests? Ding! Dong! The doorbell rang and the hostess went to the door dressed in her Christmas finery, with one small oversight. She had forgotten to put on her skirt. Oh, the embarrassment! Now, I cannot report a comparable experience, but I have had my share of wardrobe faux pas.
Let’s take picture day in Grade 7. Recall picture day? Crooked bangs, messed up hair, cold sores, zits.
(After two hours of searching today, I failed to find the picture. Where could it be? I have a suspicion I ripped it up so no one would ever see it. In its place I am going to show you my Grade 8 picture and try to describe the missing picture. It’s time to use your imagination.)
Sitting on the photographer’s stool, I looked across the room at my friend Sarah Ann. Just for fun, I rolled my eyes and made a funny face at her. Worse still, I shifted my mouth sideways. I resembled someone with Bell’s Palsy, and there is nothing funny about Bell’s Palsy. At that very moment, the photographer snapped the picture. What was he thinking? I was mortified when the pictures came back. And there was more. I had my white blouse on backwards. Get the picture?
I have real life experience from the 1980s too. I was dropping Jeremy and Allison off at the babysitter’s house on my way to school. As I walked back to my car, one pant leg felt different than the other. Looking down, I discovered a pair of pantyhose hanging out of one pant leg and trailing behind me. I fixed that little problem lickety-split.
The 1990s were rather tumultuous years for me. I can’t recall a clothing faux pas story, but I am certain there were many.
We moved to Bobcaygeon in 2004. Glenn and I left home one morning before daylight to meet with a family who lived a few hours away in the Alliston area. We stopped at McDonald’s for a coffee break. As soon as I stepped out of the van, I realized I was limping. Sure enough, I was wearing two different shoes — a blue shoe and a black shoe with heels of different heights. Earlier, I had noticed, one shoe seemed tighter than the other, but I ignored it. Silly me! NEVER IGNORE HINTS.
An incident occurred this very week. Yes, this week. I am 60 for heaven’s sake and I still can’t get my act together. While strolling along Bolton Street, I wandered in and out of several stores. Bigley’s had Birkenstocks and Mephistos at 60% off — an offer too good to miss. I tried on a bunch, but for some reason, it wasn’t my lucky day. On my way out the door, my hand brushed against something stuck to my pants — the tag. Can you believe I had spent the morning traipsing in and out of stores with my pants on inside out. Of course you can.
I am keeping my fingers crossed this was my “I can’t believe I did this” moment for this decade, but I would not put any money on it.
The good news is that it could have been so much worse. I heard about a well-endowed bank teller who leaned forward a bit too far and you can guess what happened. A mini-skirt wearing teacher should have knelt down beside a student’s desk, but instead she bent over. A little boy in her class said, “Miss X, when you bend over, we can see everything you got.”
Pants on inside out? Mismatched shoes? Toilet paper stuck to your shoe? Slip showing? (Do women still wear slips?) Pfft! These things don’t even count.
Even so, it is a good idea to take a second look in the mirror, if only to save yourself a bit of embarrassment.