The Lockeport Baptist Church Annual Living Christmas Tree Performances were scheduled for December 2, 3, 4 ― done and over before the madness of the Christmas rush. I joined the choir as a soprano and attended Tuesday and Thursday night practices. A week prior to the first performance I learned  the dress code stipulated white tops and black bottoms. Uh-oh. That created a teensy weensy problem. I do not wear white ― off-white, maybe, but NEVER, EVER bright white.

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As soon as I got home, I fired up my computer and checked into my favourite shopping mall, AMAZON.CA, from the comfort of home. I was on a mission to track down a flattering, plus size white top ― no muu-muus or caftans, PLEASE. Bingo! In a matter of minutes, I hit the jackpot ― a V-Neck with a Sharkbite Hem. Guaranteed date of delivery? November 29th . Hey, hey, two days to spare. Thank God for AMAZON.CA.

Did that mean the adventure had ended and I could relax? Oh, no, that is not how things work in my parallel universe. The saga had only begun. The very next day, the weather turned nasty – Nova Scotia nasty ― not fit for man nor beast. The kind of wind that rips siding off  houses, shingles off roofs or rooves, and doors off cars descended upon us. Thankfully, there were no trees to crash through the roof. We live atop a bald hill. It rained, not a gentle rain, but a driving, horizontal rain that felt like hail on the face.
The arrival date came and went – NO DELIVERY FROM AMAZON.  I checked the tracking number which had a message attached that the delivery date was unknown due to severe weather conditions. Panic reared its head, but my shirt could arrive tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 30th — NO DELIVERY FROM AMAZON. My panic level increased exponentially. The time had come to act proactively. I called the delivery company to  ask, ever so politely, if my package was out for delivery. The customer service agent informed me she had no idea where it was and as such could not tell me if and when it would be delivered – if ever! I should have reviewed the meaning of customer service with her.

Customer service is the act of taking care of the customer’s needs by providing and delivering professional, helpful, high quality service and assistance before, during, and after the customer’s requirements are met. 

Thursday, DECEMBER 1st NO DELIVERY FROM AMAZON. Time was of the essence, as lawyers are prone to say. I had to take action because the first concert was the next evening regardless of the weather. I trotted – no, I tore off to Frenchy’s Used Clothing Store in search of any white top. I found something adequate, but the fabric was so thin I had to buy a camisole to wear under it, but at least I had what I needed.

Friday evening arrived and I dressed in my Frenchy’s shirt and black yoga pants, pasted a phony smile on my face and charged out the door only to trip over an object. A box! Just any old box? Nope, a special box from AMAZON with my name on it. Apparently, someone or something had delivered my Amazon order, but had not taken the time to knock on the door. Did a drone leave it on the step?  Impossible.  A drone from AMAZON.CA was no match for windy West Head.  A military drone would not attempt such a feat.

 

Everything was a blur as I flew inside, changed my clothes and left a second time with a glow on my face. I wore my brand new WHITE top three nights in a row, washed it and put it away in case I am ever asked to wear a white top again.

As the choir lined up on the first evening, I discovered an interesting tidbit of information . As it turns out, the top did not have to be bright white. I could have worn French Linen, Coconut Twist, Papier Blanc, Greek Villa, Abalone, Queen Anne’s Lace, Cornsilk, Champagne, Heavenly Aromas, Lily of the Valley,  Elephant’s Breath, Swiss Coffee, Slipper Satin, Chantilly Lace, Alabaster, Spanish Sand, Chopsticks, Matchstick, Ceylon Cream, Almond Milk, Frothy Surf… The list is endless.

 

Silly me, all along I thought white meant white, you know, the opposite of black.